I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
