it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Randomize
