We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
