Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
