He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
