Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
