I seem to have left my pride at pride
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
