When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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