i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
