I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
