i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
