I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
