and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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