Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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