The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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