is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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