Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Terrible idea I love it
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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