eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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