This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
