He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
