sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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