Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
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