I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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