Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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