At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
