Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
