Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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