Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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