my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
