not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
