i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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