Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
