how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
