Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
