His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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