My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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