I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
