booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
