Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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