i was rollin on her like bob the builder
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
