so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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