FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
