i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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