Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
