She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
