Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
