If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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