the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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