mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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