he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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