You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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