So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
