Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Randomize
