I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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