What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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